I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
