I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
