And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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