I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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