exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
