end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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