my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
