I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
