Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
