Acid is not a monday night drug
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
