and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
