So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
