I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
