What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize