Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
