They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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