Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
