We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I am morally bankrupt
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
