Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
love makes seman taste better
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
