jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
