That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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