I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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