Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
