I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
