shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
