So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
