He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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