My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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