...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
God I need to hump something, right now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
