I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
