I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
