Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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