Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
