I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just tell him i said nine months
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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