STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
