did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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