well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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