i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
