I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You may now shotgun with the bride
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
