i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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