Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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