I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
