Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
