Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
