If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
