I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize