Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
