So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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