Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
