your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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