He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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