His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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