i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
