I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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