I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
