Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
