i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
