you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I would fuck him just for his dog
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
