I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
