You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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