Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
